sometimes all of our thoughts are misgiven

June 15, 2012

I am walking down Seventh and I am a lil drunk and a lil high but mostly I am numb so I won’t feel my heart breaking apart. But I am not numb enough to make it stop and it’s inevitable right about now because the Truth cannot be held back any longer…

And I am listening to music and I am doing that walk, the one I do to channel the power of the concrete below my feet. And my hips are swinging and my shoulders flow and I see heads dropping from the beta folk. And it feels good to walk like this, to let me body sing and I wonder how it is that other people don’t use their body this way.

I got so much to say and words cannot do it, and though I write for freedom, sometimes I need silence. And music is a kind of silence and it is a kind of speech and it offers me the communion that I so desperately seek. And I am looking for a song, something that will keep me going because right about now I want to walk all the fuckinn way home.

And then I find it. The song. Stairway to Heaven. And this might be one of the top ten songs in my life and it’s very strange because I never knew what it meant. What is the stairway to heaven and what do these lyrics mean and I’m not even thinking about that but as I walk, it hits me.

And I can’t explain it because it will do me no good because for the first time I understand and I respect the power of the ineffable. But there is one thing I know and it is simply this: that song was written for wayward girls like me. And it is a warning, and it is a lesson, and it offers one simple fact, “Yes there are two paths you can by but in the long run, there’s still time to change the road you’re on.”

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