self preservation society
July 28, 2012
Commitment is a crazy thang, take you by the hand and be like, “Step right this way.” And you go, down the rabbit hole but you know it’s not a hole, it’s just The Way. Like a supernova thas gonna explode I guess, time is here and now and also past and future spiraling over again and again… til it gets to the point that there is no point except to know, well, good luck with that.
Yesterday I was up then right back down, flat on my back, could not sleep; it was gruesome in the strangest possible way. It was like, drained, every last drop, and all that was left was me swimming in thought. Or more like dogpaddling (word to Brantly Martin). Treading water, to keep from sinking…
Into what? Go, where would I go? What’s left? Nothing is my everything, yes ~
So this is me looking at the phone ringing, smiling wanly like, No fuhhckinn way. I’m paper thin. But I notice there’s also this feeling in my heart, this low beat like, Wow what would it feel like if I were alive? And then I think this is one of two and what’s up on the other side. But I can’t feel anything, I’m barely alive.
I miss the point. This happens all the time. I’m thinking one thing because I’m stuck in my mind. And I’m thinking wait, what and I actually ask. And, wow, that’s new: clarification please.
And then I get it. And then I Get IT. And then everything shifts and I finally understand. I mean, I have no idea what I understand. This post isn’t meant to be read at all.
But it came to mind on Day 21: How do you hope to help your fellow writers—now or in the future?
I just want to read your words.