There are or were or will be, I’m not going to date this with a tense, many things I love about Mr. Brown and I could get on my Elizabeth Barrett Browning but I’ll spare us both the excess. I’m thinking of one thing in particular and it’s this: Attention. Ohh, I love it like nothing else.
By way of clarity, allow me to say that by attention I mean focus. I mean laser sharp precision guided by love. I mean listening before speaking, then speaking with intention. I mean consistency and commitment and continuity in the conversation. I mean conversation that spills out on to itself and continues alone in your mind with or without me being here and now. It is you because all it has ever been is you but you’ll never know that until you see yourself in full. Because, somehow… giving attention means it comes back ten thousand fold because what you focus on is the reflection of your soul.
And it is in this way that attention in conversation allows for complete transformation through the Word and its illimitable possibilities. How ironic, but yes…
Attention is energy and it is always and only directional. It can be placed wherever you look and it can be deep or shallow, full or empty. It can gloss the surface like a tongue upon a pop, lolli or icey, whatever you want. It can plumb the depths of forever, going deeper and deeper by simply holding firm, come what may. Because…
The deeper you go the more astounding it is to discover there is no bottom, just darkness infinite and soothing in its nothingness. It is the darkness of eternity, that peaceful and serene black of the Universe, the home of the dead and those awaiting birth. It is the womb because it is all the womb until this aberrant moment that we call life, but I think the word we are looking for is light.
Because light, the only light, is the light of being that shines brighter than we can see being, well, the light itself. It is as I told Mr. Brown so long ago, You can never know the affect you have on someone. You just can’t.
I could say one of the many reasons I love Mr. Brown is that it is because of him that I chose this path. He inspired me, simply because he exists. How strange and wonderful those words sound in my heart. It is and was and will be that Mr. Brown was on a path that made me take notice of my directionless state.
It’s not that I didn’t desire this before he came into my life; it’s that I had no inspiration, no motivation, no faith in myself. And somehow, I don’t know or care how, his existence got me thinking about Day Thirty Six: What do you hope a reader will take away from your writing?
Last time I said, Take what you want. But, hayy, one month is a long time in Saraland. Yes, still and always, take what you want. I have come to accept that I own nothing, at least metaphysically, and as I move into this knowledge, it slowly spills over and waters me. Keeps me fresh and dewy and hydrated and feeling buoyant and peaceful and limitless. Because…
Writing is flow and flow has its own set of rules and I respect that and the less demands I put upon myself the more access to the mysterious and unknowable source I am granted. I think that here in Purgatory, I am learning patience as in, Girl there is nowhere to be except here and now. So here and now I am and it is where and when I have learned something I didn’t know just thirty days ago. And that there is something else to be taken from my work, something that comes full circle.
Take what you want and do as you wish and this is what I have learned: it comes back to me in ways I will never know. In ways that I quietly observe my words on your lips because they belong to you and with your words you speak your truth and that is what is most beautiful in this world. I listen to you speak with reverence and I see other people smile because you touch their hearts. And it makes me sparkle and shine like nothing I have ever known because it is the flow of energy, the vibrations that matter most.
It is this, and this is what it is. Words are Energy and Energy is Everything. We use words to communicate, but that’s it’s not ideas that we are speaking, it is something deeper than ideas and deeper than emotion. It is more than a feeling (props to Boston). It is energy, the life force, it is the way it travels through words and through the space between words and through the silence. Day Thirty Six, here’s what I hope. Keep on keepinn on and Do You Right. Nothing makes my heart feel lighter and brighter than be warmed by your light.