nothing leads to another
August 17, 2012
Exhibitionist. Narcissist. Oblivious. Those words blink and flash like neon signs before my eyes. Big and Tall and Wide signs that remind me like Mary. And there are no signs but for madness of the mind and it vibrates like twine stretched long and taut and tied at each end so it ain’t goinn nowhere.
And I’m here but I’m there and my body is tearing apart just implexploding and nothing’s happening but it’s like yeaa no one sees except they look. Heads turn at my coming and goings and I’m about to buy a book on Santeria but I don’t know that yet. Instead. I pray.
God. I need peace.
It’s real simple. Sit yo ass down. And I do. On a metal bench. And I slounge there for a moment feeling a little too lovely in candy coated flesh and leopard print fabric that slinks across my thinn thinn self. I lean forward with my elbows between my thighs and one hand propped under my chin kinda slinky like a kitty and I’m watching people go by, go by, go by ..
I have to sit cause I can’t stand. Just felt touched. The Universe be sending me messages while I’m wandering along and I’m not at all sure what to do with them. Knowledge leads to things. It doesn’t just sit there, all innocent. It wants attention, wants interaction, but how to use it best.
How to do it write. Mmm.
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I had to nominate 15, and you are one of them. It’s a pleasure to read your blog, and I hope this will make others read it.
Have a good weekend!
Love from Lilly
Exhibitionist, narcissist, oblivious. Toss in a little madness. Sounds almost like a job description for a creative artist, you think?
And the peace? When I’m writing, just writing, not thinking about writing, not worrying about not writing, but just, just writing- then there’s peace. And you?
Tom
i dont wanna job. i wanna live ~
less is more. more is less.
i get by ridinn vibes.
switch channels.
it’s all frequencies ..
writing yes but also walking everywhere
this is myy everything ..
meditation and entertainment at the same time
only in new york ~
Yes, anything- writing, walking, running, sitting, touching, eating- anything- if I’m all in, I’m at peace- sometimes a sweaty, feverish, peace- but peace still. But if I’m living up in my busy mind, no peace for me. Not ever.
weeeeeed
also, wine
~*~
Oh, yeah.
awesome pic!
If only knowledge like that came with a manual as to what your choices are to do with it…
ooo lovely lady, i don’t even read instruction manuals for household appliances. i hate being told what to do, even if it appears to be by someone who knows better. i am happiest figuring out the true nature of my conflict and working out my own solutions, even the ones that fail me .. cause failure is the key to all my success.
that said, i have begun listening. not because i desire other people to guide me, but because i need to be closer attuned to the reality of the people around me. it’s not even that i agree with their reality so much as i have greater understanding of where they are. thas all i need. accuracy, in some regard.
but back to the manual you seek, one lil bit of insight if i might .. right before i got to this point i put up a post titled “wait for the answer” and then, ha ha, i swear .. the answers started cominn, one after another until i was so full, as i am now, i’m unable to articulate any of it. i know what i need to know.
next is :: to allow myself the time i need to absorb the information. to not act upon knowledge simply because i possess it. this is the hardest thing for me :: patience. common sense. being in the moment without controlling it ..
Ha! Patience and me don’t cohabitate 100% of the time; maybe 50/50. So I feel ya there. Ugh.
I like to figure out what I feel, what I think, and what I feel is logic. Then I like to see what others have to say. Not that I’ll actually heed anything they say/offer up, but I’m interested in what other options I may have missed out on considering.
I guess I only like the ideal of a manual until after I’ve made my decisions.
Nothin if not contradictory.
e lindo